"Nothing fruitful ever comes when plants are forced to flower in the wrong season" - Bette Boa Lord
The caller's question made Junetta sigh. So often when she did these radio shows, parents would call in with questions that made her look like a hero. But this question always made Junetta nervous. She knew her answer could make many parents angry with her. Yet she couldn't avoid the truth. It would be wrong for her to reinforce wrong thinking.
"My son's teacher wants to hold him back in second grade, but I don't agree with her. How can I convince the principal that the teacher is wrong?"
Junetta chose her words carefully but then said them with confidence. "The truth is that principals discourage teachers from recommending retention. It doesn't look good on a school's record if they have retentions. But if this principal is standing behind his teacher's decision, I would take heed. She wouldn't have made this recommendation unless she was sure."
"but his sister did so well at this school. He can, too, if we just move him forward," the caller said, sounding desperate.
"I understand your concern, but I am more concerned about your son's future. Just because his sister did well in this school doesn't mean he will. What works with one does not always work with another. Instead of forcing him into something before he's ready, why don't you give him the gift of time?" Junetta waited through silence for the caller's reply.
"I never looked at it that way. Thank you."
Communicating the truth to someone without alienating them is a difficult job, but the truth will prevail.
Prompt: I have found that the best way to communicate the truth effectively is to . . .
Through compassionate disconnection. Seek to understand the thoughts, perspectives, and feelings of others...but do not attach yourself to the outcome.
ReplyDeleteI have often felt that one who holds back the truth does so from a selfish place. They do not wish to feel the pain of causing discomfort for others. Compassion lets you understand the weight of your words and disconnection lets you see objectively why they are worth saying even if it is hard for another to hear them. In the end, if you have done your job right, you have only temporarily flattened the blades of grass you gingerly walked on as you made your way to your intended destination. Most, if not all of them will bounce back. We must not avoid the discomfort that comes hand in hand with truth or we may end up petrified to ever move in any direction.